Elder Abuse
What is elderly abuse?
There is something seriously wrong with a species that allows the abuse of it oldest and most cherished commodity as the elderly. They represent a direct link with the recent past and have valuable information about what may come. It is difficult seeing this through the different stages of growing old, but if you just take the time to sit down and really listen and pay attention you will learn things never before imagined. Abuse occurs when anyone is marginalized without the same rights as others.
Placing your elderly in nursing homes and other institutions may seem the thing to do so you may freely go about your life. We understand. It can be nearly impossible to handle everyday affairs with an additional burden holding things back. This is just a simple reality of life. What you need to think about is the state of mind of your loved one.
Imagine you are told to sit in a room with little or nothing to do and few human interactions. Your mind is clear as a bell, but you are forced to just sit there day after day doing nothing (you would go crazy). Add to this a staff who don’t care as much about their charges as they should, and you have a nightmare situation for anyone caught up in this hell. This is why you must first have several professionals (with no connection to you or your loved one) assess their mental clarity. It doesn’t matter if they are in a wheelchair or on oxygen. No one should ever be forced to just vegetate into oblivion.
Once mental clarity has been assessed, there are a number of good options. However, if your intent is to place them there and walk away, pretending to yourself and others that you still love and care about them, think again. The place you leave them at must have a great track record of care for the elderly (your loved one’s needs specifically). It must have enough funding to allow for stimulating activities which enrich the mind body and soul. How long have they been in practice? Where do they hire their staff from (there are many good and many poor staffing firms)? Care means caring.
Always remember that one day someone will be making these same decisions concerning your life. If it’s your children and they see how you took care of an elderly family member, they will emulate your actions and intent.
Once placed, it is your job to ensure not only that proper care be continued, but that your special someone is happy, mentally and emotionally stimulated with a variety of activities, etc. Visit at least once a week for a few hours. The most exciting moments in a prison inmate’s day is visitation and mail call. It’s that connection with those they care about that makes all the difference; and it’s no different with the elderly incarcerated at an institution. Check for bruises marks scratches and scrapes not there during your last visit. Ask them indirect questions to determine if they’ve been told to lie about their care. Look, people are people. Most have jobs they didn’t choose or want. Others, like licensed caregivers, may have a better job situation but never assume they chose or enjoy doing it. In other words, pay attention to everything! If it helps, think of your loved one as a favorite pet you’ve left at a long term pound for safe keeping while you go on vacation/holiday. That is the level of attention you must pay when leaving them in the care of those who have no historical mental or emotional connection or ties to them what so ever.
If on the other hand you’ve decided to keep your loved ones at home and care for them yourself or hire in home care, that would be better for all involved. If possible an in-laws apartment with separate entrance would be perfect (be mindful of elderly with a tendency to roam – monitor their exits).
You will want to consider things like bed and bathroom access. Some elderly require more frequent naps and bathroom access than are traditionally expected within the family environment. Shortest distance is usually the best.
Make sure that any health care devices (and there cords) are kept out of the way and quiet as possible (for the sanctity of all).
Just because you hire a care giver doesn’t mean you should ever trust them completely. Don’t feel bad about checking up on them at odd times. Your special someone is worth that extra little effort. Most important is that you include your elderly loved one in your everyday life as much as possible.
What is abuse? Not being able to live life as you like with the quality you feel you deserve, not what others feel you deserve. As long as you are not in danger of harming yourself or others you should be allowed to be yourself. It all comes down to quality of life. Anything else IS ABUSIVE!
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